GREEK ARCHAEOLOGY

You've heard the expression, "If these walls could talk. . ."? Well, sometimes they do. The Theta Chi house, at 501 Russell Blvd., has been undergoing extensive renovation this past summer, and progress has been reported to chapter members and alumni via e-mail updates from Will Portello '89, who had this to say about a couple of unexpected discoveries:

"After two-plus full days of work by several of the undergraduates over a hot July weekend, we successfully moved two 40-cubic-yard dumpsters of crap and debris accumulated over the years out of the chapter house. I imagine the most unique find was the January 1980 Playboy in the upstairs middle bathroom at the rear of the house, stashed far back under the sink. If anyone's interested, it's got a Bruce Jenner interview, Teri Peterson centerfold, and it says the 80s will be a lot like the 70s, only better. For you alumni, just remember, most of the current brothers were born after that issue was published. . . ."

STUPID CRIMINAL AWARDS (STUDENT CATEGORY)

From Student Judicial Affairs' "Campus Judicial Report" (sja.ucdavis.edu/SJA/current.html). May we have the envelope, please?

The Monkey See, Monkey Do Award: A student taking an exam alternately wrote and sat still without doing any work and turned the pages of the exam in sync with a nearby person. After the monitor moved the nearby person, the student did no more work on the exam.

The Evil Twin Award: A student copied other students' work verbatim and submitted that work for credit. The cheating was detected after the instructor found that the student had done very poorly on both the midterm and the final yet earned perfect scores on all the homework assignments.

The Um, Uh . . . Award: A student used very sophisticated phrases alongside very simple phrases in a writing assignment. When questioned by the instructor, the student was unable to explain several of those fancy terms and phrases.

The Eberhard Faber Award: An instructor found very precise notes written in pencil at the end of a bluebook and in the margin in the middle of a bluebook. The remainder of the exam was written in pen, implying the student had written in the bluebook before coming to the exam.

The Guilty Conscience Award: A student who stole a road sign arrived back on campus and noticed a police car parked in the residence hall parking lot. Believing the police were there because of the stolen sign, the student panicked and ran into the residence hall. The officers noticed the student carrying the large sign and confronted the individual, who immediately admitted to the theft.

The D'oh! Award: A student cited a non-existent source in a paper. The instructor is the associate editor of the magazine from which the student claimed the article had come.

FLYING WITH THE PUDDING GUY

You remember the Pudding Guy, aka David Phillips '88--the UC Davis civil engineer who bought all that Healthy Choice pudding and earned 1.25 million frequent flyer miles? Well, when Phillips used 160,000 of those miles to fly himself and his family to Italy for Easter, he discovered that "frequent" may refer to the number of takeoffs and landings. Unable to secure seats on a direct flight, the Phillipses ended up flying from Sacramento to Dallas, from Dallas to Newark, from Newark to London and from London to Milan. Oh, and Phillips' luggage got lost.

Pudding, anyone?

PASSING TIME

75 YEARS AGO

"Saturday night from nine until one o'clock, the freshman class will give their dance in the Aggie gym . . . a six-piece orchestra has been secured for the evening from Sacramento that has a reputation of being among the best in the vicinity. Plans are under way for decorations that will be pleasing to the dancers. . . . The tax will be one dollar."

50 YEARS AGO

"The trend of a new century has invaded the Cal-Davis campus. The 1970 campus will consist of swank, modernistic buildings, carpeted together with velvet green lawns and gracefully woven paths that wander in every direction. . . . Taking a 1970 campus tour, we start with the living groups located directly across from College Park. . . . Our guide suggests a coke at the new Memorial Student Union, the ground once occupied by Rec Hall, West Hall and the beloved Quad. That new $575,000 building contains everything any student could possibly need. The outside is as neatly constructed as the inside. A lake in front is surrounded by paths that lead every which way possible across the grass."