BY BARBARA ANDERSON

How long, oh Bossy; how long?

From the vantage point of hindsight, the four (or perhaps more) years you spent at UC Davis may seem to have passed as if overnight. But to a couple of this year's graduating seniors, that same time span felt a tad longer. In the June 18 issue of The California Aggie, Andrew Nolan and Charles Heath offered a list of signs to help fellow Aggies recognize when they've been in Davis too long. A few selections:

You know you've been in Davis too long when:

* Every weekend you lament the fate of Mr. B's and Mansion Pub.

* The difference between Theta Xi and Theta Chi meant nothing to you, then meant something to you, now once again means nothing to you.

* You remember the streakers at the Causeway Classic.

* You remember the Causeway Classic.

* You remember when the only fast-food restaurants in town were Jack in the Box and Taco Bell.

* You know the Social Sciences and Humanities Building like the back of your hand.

* You still drive by the Pi Kap's old house on Russell Boulevard and expect to see people sitting on the roof.

* You've had two bikes stolen, you never have trouble with the bike circles like you used to, and you carry your bike light with you at all times.

* Suddenly, you're a slow-growth advocate.

Naked lunch

Some artists simply pay lip service to the notion of giving their all for their art. Not UC Davis student Matthew Wenz, whose class project in June for "Art 145: Concepts in Sculpture" consisted of himself, noticeably unclothed, suspended in a net from the rafters of the Coffee House. Wenz strung the hammock, stripped and climbed in as a cohort snapped a series of photos.

According to reports in both The California Aggie and The Davis Enterprise, reactions of Coffee House patrons ranged from enjoyment to indifference, with the exception of a Coffee House manager who called police to complain that the performance was blocking business traffic. Neither man was arrested or cited, because no patrons would step forward and say they were offended by the production.

The performance art piece was part of Wenz's studies into the class's elected topic of "other."

But can he dance?

He's the Sinatra of salmonella, the Elvis of E. coli. He's food-safety educator Carl Winter, and he wants to sing his way into your stomach.

As a toxicologist and director of the UC Davis FoodSafe program, Winter has studied, written and lectured about a host of food-safety issues ranging from pesticide residues to microbial contamination. Now he hopes to use music to spread those messages to students and the general public.

Gathering a handful of vintage popular songs and tinkering with their lyrics, he has produced a CD parody called Stayin' Alive. Consider how he's taken the words right out of the Bee Gees' mouths and kindly replaced them with the following refrain:

Don't want hepatitis or that gastroenteritis

I'm just stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Scrubbin' off my veggies and I'm heatin' all my burgers up to one eighty-five, one eighty-five

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Other selections include "USDA," taken from "YMCA"; "Rat Number 49," from "Love Potion Number Nine"; and "Clonin' DNA" from--you guessed it--"Surfin' U.S.A."

A one-man band, Winter made the not-for-profit CD at home with only a computer and synthesizer. He's performed some of the songs at professional meetings and hopes they will be useful for future classroom lectures.

"Science tends to be pretty straightforward," he says. "Presenting things in non-traditional ways can be very effective."

PASSING TIME

75 years ago

"The longing looks of the fellows toward the bleachers each afternoon, that look of anticipation followed by a look as if something were wrong, can only mean one thing to the close observer. Where are the co-eds? Come on, girls. Don't disappoint your heroes."

-- The California Aggie
Sept. 13, 1923

25 years ago

"The Coffee House will be back in operation tomorrow after being closed down last June because of structural hazards in East Hall, its location for the past several years. Its new location in the MU (site of the former 'Coop') has been a cause of concern to students who feel that 'nothing could take the place of the old Coffee House.' It has been the only funky eating place in town."

-- The California Aggie
Sept. 19, 1973