SING "AAAHH," PLEASE

You'd think it would be tough enough for a doctor to diagnose what's causing a patient's complaints when the patient is lying right there in front of her, let alone deciphering what malady led to the demise of someone who died more than 200 years ago. But that's exactly what Faith Fitzgerald, an internist and professor of internal medicine in the School of Medicine, did when she was invited to the University of Maryland's sixth annual historical clinical pathology conference, where each year physicians, without benefit of laboratory tests, X-rays or even a warm body, present their diagnosis as to the cause of death of a famous historical figure. Fitzgerald's patient? Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, whose death at age 35 following a short illness has been the subject of controversy among both historians and physicians—a controversy Fitzgerald maintains is primarily the result of Mozart's celebrity status. The death "wouldn't have been mysterious at all if Wolfgang Amadeus Müller had died that December night," Fitzgerald is quoted as saying in Discover magazine, which reported on the conference in its June 2000 issue. After noting that the composer's death has been ascribed to more than 100 causes—among them tuberculosis, malnutrition, psychotic depression and syphilis ("because every great man dies of syphilis"), Fitzgerald offered her diagnosis: congestive heart failure brought on by rheumatic fever, an epidemic of which was in full swing in Vienna at the time of Mozart's death. And though Mozart's physician could have confirmed congestive heart failure had he put a stethoscope to the great man's chest, Fitzgerald pointed out that more than 25 years would pass before the invention of stethoscopy and that nowhere is it mentioned that the doctor put his ear to Mozart's heart to listen to it. "If I were facing a really swollen, febrile, rashy, sweaty guy," Fitzgerald is quoted as saying, "I might not want to put my ear on his chest either."

PADDLING OUR OWN CANOE

We are pleased to report that UC Davis placed first in this year's annual Concrete Canoe Competition held at California State University, Chico, in April, triumphing over UC Berkeley (second place) and CSU Sacramento (third place) in building and racing a canoe made of concrete. The win is a first for UC Davis and allows the team to advance to the national competition held in Colorado in late June.

Make ours aluminum or birchbark, please.

A STREAK OF GOOD BUSINESS SENSE

When Davis sports shop Ground Zero hangs a portrait of its founder on the wall, the painting may well receive an "R" rating. That's because owner Seth Sternin, who was 21 at the time, was arrested after streaking an Aggies vs. Hornets game and ordered to pay a fine. To raise the money, Sternin created commemorative T-shirts, which he dubbed "Streakwear." The shirts sold well, and noting there were no stores in Davis that catered to the younger crowd, Sternin and two other friends opened Ground Zero, a snowboard, skateboard, shoe, bikini and clothing store that's now the No. 1 skate shop in Yolo County. A second location opened in Roseville in May.

SEMINARS WE'RE SORRY WE MISSED

Although it's safe to say we're hoping for the Cliff Notes version of some recent seminars on campus (can you say "phylogeny and molecular identification of arbuscular mycorrhizal fungi?"), there are some that pique our curiosity. A wildlife, fish and conservation biology talk, for instance, on "Kangaroos—pest or resource?" Or how about exercise science's "Cowboy hats, elephants and unpaired electrons—free-radical biology in skeletal muscle," which for us conjures an image of buffed circus performers juggling molecules on the backs of pachyderms. Best we all settle down in our seats and get ready for the Institute of Theoretical Dynamics' "Epidemics in time and space—measles, the movie." Pass the popcorn.

PASSING TIME

75 YEARS AGO

"Of the 32 entrants to the Horseshoe Tournament but 18 remain. Some of the victorious contestants appear to be consistent ringers, and a ferocious battle is expected in the eliminations of the second round to be completed this week. The contestants are striving for a California Aggie pennant and the competition has already waxed keen."

50 YEARS AGO

"Now a word about man's second friend. The new census shows that we have more girls than ever decorating our campus. It is well for us to review a few of the rules concerning our co-eds. 1. The childish and outdated custom of screaming or turning green upon encountering one of the fair sex is frowned upon. 2. The rumor that 99 percent of them are here to catch a man is just wishful thinking. The figure is closer to 84.5 percent."