Volume 30 · Number 2 · Winter 2013
Parents
Home alone
When older siblings leave for college, life changes dramatically for the baby in the family. Is it for the better?
By Robin DeRieux
Let’s consider college from the perspective of the family’s youngest child — the last one left at home. Parents aren’t the only ones in the household affected by the departure of older children, you know. Sure, our hearts hurt and our wallets ache. But how’s the babe doing with this transition?
Illustration by Jay Leek, UC Davis
Siblings play a significant role in the lives of our children, and not only because they hog the bathroom. They also steal attention from Mom and Dad.
If you’re the baby of the family, the only life you’ve ever known is sharing a household with bathroom-hogging, attention-stealing siblings. You’ve been vying from birth for that most precious commodity — the notice of your parents.
“Mom, look at me, look at me! I’m going off the diving board. Over here! Can you see me? Are you looking? Watch this!” You dive, you surface — and look to mom for glowing reviews. Mom is bent over examining the bruised elbow of a sneaky sibling, who has chosen just this moment to present an injury acquired a week ago.
Sharing your parents with brothers and sisters gets a little easier as you get older. Maybe your algebra grade is not so hot. But your newly licensed older brother just ran another red light, and there’s not enough parental anguish to go around. Sweet!
Then one day, after a lifetime of competition, your rivals go away to college, and you’re the last kid left. Now there’s no one to fight with over the last cookie. No one to commiserate with over family eccentricities. No one to consult on crushes or music or teachers. No allies in the household rebellion against cleanliness.
Finally, Mom and Dad can focus all their attention on you. “Hi honey, how was your day? Who are you texting? Why are you laughing? What did she say? Don’t you have a history test tomorrow?”
What rotten timing! You’ve popped up on the radar screen at just the age you were hoping to go stealth.
The universe, however, just might make this up to you. Your older siblings didn’t devote their entire childhood to breaking your toys and giving you noogies. No siree. They were also wearing down your parents, chipping away at the marble, transforming them from firm and consistent disciplinarians into the pathetic pile of rubble you see today. Go ahead and see how low the standards can go.
Or not. Depends on your parents. Here’s a survey to see how you — and your parents — are faring.
My big brother’s room
a) is a quiet place to go and reflect when I’m missing him most.
b) is slowly becoming a walk-in storage closet.
c) would make a great addition to mine if we knock down the adjoining wall.
One thing that’s helped me adapt to my sister’s absence is
a) Skyping with her every weekend.
b) joining the field hockey team at school.
c) getting the deluxe cable-TV package.
I really miss my brothers, but I’ve bonded with my
a) dad.
b) dog.
c) laptop.
Without my siblings, the house
a) seems too quiet and lonely.
b) is mine when my band wants to rehearse.
c) is holding up pretty well to weekly parties.
Nowadays my parents
a) follow me around from room to room to make sure I don’t disappear too.
b) plan excursions on the weekend for the three of us.
c) go away on trips and leave me home to feed the cat.
With my sisters gone, Mom and Dad seem to view me as
a) a home improvement project.
b) a short-timer.
c) the caboose.
If I asked my parents for permission to attend Burning Man for a few days with friends, they would
a) nervously agree, then pack a bag and come with me.
b) laugh as though I had told a good joke.
c) hand me the car keys and a credit card to cover gas.
Now that all my siblings are gone
a) I have pretty much the same curfew they had at my age.
b) I try to stick to the old curfew when my siblings are home for a visit so they don’t pitch a fit.
c) Curfew? Naw, I just ask my parents to turn off the porch light when they get in.
Without my big sister to chauffeur me
a) my dad drives me to school every day, after he makes my hot chocolate and packs my lunch.
b) I’m back on the school bus.
c) my parents have no idea how I get to school, and that’s probably for the best.
My parents
a) expect me to handle all the household chores my siblings used to do.
b) expect me to do my fair share around the house.
c) apparently have no expectations of me regarding household chores — and I’m living up to that.
At dinner time, my parents
a) never stop pestering me with questions regarding how I’m “feeling” about being the last one left.
b) can finally focus the conversation on me now that my drama queen sister is gone.
c) usually just tell me to pipe down and stuff a magazine survey under my nose.
If you answered,
Mostly a’s: You really miss your siblings, and your parents want to friend you on Facebook.
Mostly b’s: Everyone is adjusting to the new family dynamics, and your parents have a little juice left.
Mostly c’s: You’re not over-thinking the missing sibling situation, and Mom and Dad are apparently missing as well. Hello? Is anybody home?
Humor writer Robin DeRieux can be reached at rdderieux@yahoo.com.