Volume 25 · Number 4 · Summer 2008
Parents
Risky Business
What parents should tell college students about risky behavior . . . even if they don’t listen.
New research indicates why college students engage in high-risk behavior. They don’t have a whit of sense.
Oh wait, that’s the old research — the new research attributes it to uneven maturation of the brain. Neuroscientists have discovered that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that helps us resist impulses and anticipate consequences, isn’t fully mature until the exasperatingly ripe old age of 25. Apparently, the part of the college student’s brain that suggests getting soused and climbing the water tower is a flourishing hive of busy neurotransmitters. Meanwhile, the part of the brain that should interject a note of caution is already rummaging around in the closet for a can of spray paint.
As parents, we intuitively understand that the teenage brain is a work in progress. What were you thinking?! is strictly a rhetorical question. Once kids are old enough to attend college, however, we expect better judgment. We figure any young adult with the intellect to solve partial differential equations or decipher James Joyce should be able to foresee the consequences of high-risk behavior.
And yet nearly every week at UC Right Here in Town, I see some wild-eyed youth with floppy hair riding the wrong way through a crowded campus bike circle, using both hands to text on a cell phone. And those are the assistant professors! You don’t even want to know what kinds of bicycle risks your students are taking. But I’ll tell you anyway, because the odds are 30,000 to one that it’s your kid. During finals week, I once came across a student outside Hoagland Hall doing crazy stunts on his mountain bike. He would pop a wheelie, hop a bench, drop off a concrete ledge to the ground below, then wobble up a ramp, all on one wheel. And this was a graduate student, someone whose intellectual capabilities have already been honed by four years of college. Do you think he was covering his undergraduate degree with a helmet? Of course not, because his prefrontal cortex is still made of Play-Doh.
If parents only had to worry about the physical risks that college students take, we could overlook the occasional synaptic misfires. The problem is that college students take high-stakes behavioral risks so scary it makes us wish we could homeschool our children all the way through a postdoc. Binge-drinking, reckless driving, illegal drugs and irresponsible sex are common activities among young adults. Although we’re often powerless to prevent this behavior, we feel compelled to repeat warnings about all the horrible things that might happen as a result. Does that mean we want college students who are so alarmed that they sit paralyzed in their rooms all day, leaving only to attend classes? Um . . . yes?
No! Bad parent!
We can’t hold on to the back of our kid’s shirt forever. College students are learning to manage their lives on many levels, and it’s developmentally appropriate for them to make us lie awake at night. Believe it or not, some parents have children who occasionally need to be encouraged to take a chance. College is all about new experiences, and we don’t want students who are crippled by caution.
Yet, as a parent, it’s hard to decide when to give kids a nudge and when to help them apply some brakes. If our son ever consulted me for guidance about the types of risks to take in college (!), I would offer a list that encouraged him to step out of his comfort zone without trampling all over mine.
Good risks for college students:
• Visiting professors during office hours
• Enrolling in challenging coursework
• Asking out that cute guy/girl
• Vying for a competitive job/internship
• Bad risks for college students:
• Anything else.
I have found, however, that deciding how to counsel our freshman about high-risk activities is largely irrelevant because . . . (earbuds in, hmmmm LA LA LA) . . . he’s not listening. He’s driving for independence, and he’s not slowing down for advice from someone who’s never even posted an indiscreet photo on Facebook.
Which is a darn shame. Like other parents, I am absolutely stuffed with wisdom. We were all young once, and hoo boy, were we foolish! If only our son would remove the buds from his ears, I could tell him how to navigate college without his prefrontal cortex. I know. I did it. I would tell him that if you can’t study in the dorms because your neighbor is blasting his music too loud, and you decide to get the neighbor’s attention by tapping on his window with a golf club, choose a putter, because a driver will break the glass. Also, when you’re hitchhiking in Spain with a friend and you get a lift with a truck driver, be sure to duck when he passes a police car because it’s illegal for him to carry more than one passenger. And if you decide to go to Mexico for spring break, ahem . . . OK, don’t go to Mexico for spring break.
Unfortunately, parental misadventures aren’t good enough for our son; he insists on seeking out his own. Now would be a logical time to divulge details about the risky business he has experimented with during his freshman year, but I’m afraid I’ll have to remain speechless. Our son will take the Fifth Amendment on this issue, along with the remaining 26 amendments, just in case. So if you’re a college student scanning this column for new ideas about high-risk activities, put down the magazine, and back away slowly. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, call our son. Maybe he can get you in on the group discount.
Robin DeRieux can be reached at rdderieux@yahoo.com.